Am I too eager?

'It happens over and over again. I meet a nice woman on a dating site or at a party, we have chemistry and we are getting serious. We spend some months together, but then 'bam!', everything suddenly falls apart. It's always the other who initiates the breakup, not me. I'm not very demanding, I just long to have somebody to share my life with. I like to surprise my girlfriend with outings and I send sweet messages. But the mere fact that I'm doing my best, scares off my girlfriends. 'You're too eager', one of them told me. Does indifference work better? I really don't get it.

What would you do in my position?'


'You state that you're not demanding, but is that correct? Within a very short time you expect that your new date will become your life partner. Admittedly, that's a shortcoming of many lesbians, but your behavior will come across as suffocating and oppressive. Somewhat desperate, too, perhaps?' - Caro

'It is very annoying if your relationships break up time and again. As you describe it yourself, you just want a buddy who shares her life with you. But that is simply too little to expect. A relationship is about equality. Your attempts to please someone are sincere, but not driven by the right intentions. Probably your girlfriend feels that you are doing your best, because of that the ideal picture in your head. And not because you place yourself on an equal footing with her. I think you should check carefully what your expectations towards your girlfriend are. And please remember that your girlfriend may also be nice to you. Love and care shouldn't come from your side only.' - Karin

'First try to become friends with yourself. Stop dating and start doing things that make you happy. Follow the course that you've wanted to do for ages, book a trip to a dream destination, whatever! Overcome your fear of being alone, step out of your comfort zone. You'll experience that it's way easier than you thought and that seriously, you don't need a steady partner to experience happiness. In the process you'll meet plenty of people whom you can share your interests with. As soon as you become more independent, you're immediately more attractive to another person.' - Metje




© Hertalez