Dilemma: Stay or go?

"My girlfriend and I have been together for years. She was the woman who helped me come out and my first female lover. The intense passion of the beginning of our relationship has subsided, but we still love each other. I'm certainly not complaining, but the idea of staying with her for the rest of my life, started to freak me out a bit. More and more I wonder what a relationship with other women would look like. I would prefer to have some more experiences, including sexual ones. Others, my partner included, had these experiences before they really got serious. Should I go for an adventurous catch-up? In that case it seems fair to break up with my girlfriend first. But I'm sure a break-up will cause a lot of pain and grief. What would you do in my position?"

Open Relationship Can be Enriching

'What you're going through is very normal and no reason to break up your relationship. Talk to your loved one! Tell her how you feel and what you would like. Maybe she is willing to try an open relationship (it would also offer her new possibilities), maybe not, but anyway, you'll know. 'It's OK to ask if it's OK to say no.' It will certainly be a tough time for both of you, but my own experience is that it can be a huge enrichment for yourself, your primary partner and your relationship with her. For practical tips: The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton & Janet Hardy.' – Corinna

Go With Your Gut
'This is something that you will always keep asking yourself. You must either accept that or break up with your girlfriend. Breaking someone's heart is very difficult, but sometimes inevitable. Go with your gut feeling. If it encompasses more than a curious fantasy, and you want it to be concrete and real, then you should choose adventure and accept whatever that brings you.' – Jacoline

Fight Lesbian Bed Death
'Do you have lesbian bed death? Do you still have sex with each other? It may be that you no longer get your sexual needs satisfied and that you started to look for an alternative as a result of that. If this is indeed the case, I would first address the lack of sex. Maybe you two can make it passionate and exciting again? Try new things, go on an adventurous voyage of discovery, in bed and elsewhere, indoors or outdoors. You may like it well enough to defeat the need to go shopping elsewhere.' – Caro


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